I cried myself to sleep...

I got back into the room after blogging last night, Hus was having a fever. I empatised with him who was sick, totally unwell. But i couldn't love him like somebody dear to me. I was too upset.

I felt totally unloved, un-needed and unnecessary in this house, in his life. His actions say,"You do not make my life any different; if not more difficult." He guessed that i was unhappy, but he dint know why, he asked me to tell him or write to him. I was too discouraged to do that again. I've been giving feedback via writing for a long time, but neither did i give verbal nor written replies. It feels like I giving him commands that he must follow. Is it too much accomodating for him? I do not want a robotic Hus, but writing and telling him how i feel all the time makes me feel like an impossibly demanding wife. I need feedbacks & communications as these spells love. is that too much to ask?

Above these, I do NOT know how he feel. Have i been a good wife? Have i been enough as a wife? Have i been asking too much? Have i done enough? Does he need more free time? How can a budding marriage be so much of a guessing game?

Nobody listens when I talked, nobody answers when i asked, nobody hears my deepest cry... I missed you, God... I miss the relationship i once shared with you, but i've drifted, in you i found everlasting comfort. Sorry to have sometimes place Hus above you, it's not easy to live in an earthly marriage.