sad day

Today I am sad. I feel liking crying. I feel like taking my roller blades and blade the whole night away. And I know it is not even pms.

an uninvited (bug) guest

It's a terrible tuesday,God knows why. He woke up ok... Unwilling to go to school, obvious from his behavior, he drank milk very slowly and didn't move an inch from where he woke up at.
He cried wildly at changing of uniform, like his 3rd day of school. He's a little warm to touch, 37.3 deg C. We still got him ready for school after a little panadol. He resisted more at shoes change. He stopped when papa carried him and walked out of the house.
I suspect he has something going on in him that he'll be staying in tmr. School, friends, disease go together. =( I truly hope that's the reason of deterioration.

the longest school week ever

Thad shouted "gai gai" even before he opened his eyes. He woke up to his dismay, papa was getting ready for work. So it's a school day for him...
He repeatedly said "papa work, papa work" with sadness in his eyes. I couldn't bear the sight.
If you've ever worked 14 days straight, without a break, you'll probably understand what my son is going thru.
This is his 4th week in school but the first time he's there all 5 days. Fortunate or unfortunately, his longest week was 1st week when he was there 4 days. He had fallen ill, there were public holidays, and there's one day papa went Bali, he missed school too.
Finally, it's friday.

Pick up - he was crying when I reached school. It made me sad. Teacher Eunice said it's because a classmate left earlier so he panicked.
I picked him and drove him to grandma's house. He's watching tv for the first time this week.

school continues

Thaddeus is unwilling to go to school but he changed into his uniform, wore his shoes as usual. He ran to the door when hus opened the gate, he asked to be carried. Hus carried him and left.
Hus' msg me "he kicked quite a fuss in school"
i'm sad to read. It's his 4th week in school, there's still fussing in the middle of the week. If it's a monday, I won't feel this bad.
Pick up - he cried when teacher told him "Thaddeus, mummy is here." he walked out slowly accompanied by teacher and asked in disappointment "where is daddy?"
Then I realised why was there deterioration, it was a result of yesterday. When daddy picked him up, he felt something is different. He had too much fun with extended period with papa. This morning felt a little like monday and he was hoping for a daddy-pick-me-up surprise but it didn't happen.
Sigh, my boy is still adapting.

new life struggles

I woke up feeling upset today. I dreamt that I returned to work, I dunno in what firm and what job. In the dream, i'm happy to be employed.
I woke up to reality, i'm woke up to a million tasks. Repetitions of chores. I was disappointed that I dint wake up any earlier to make jan breakfast. I got a little frustrated when Thad pee-ed in his pants when I just asked if he needs to pee, he said no. I dun feel happy abt having to repeatedly pack Thad's toys everyday even though I was the one that made him play with them.
But I also see the benefits staying home with them. I'm in a super dilemma.

my new life-style

tdy i'm upset with hus, he made me feel like I'm stupid. It's because he wanted to leave the kids while we were trying to make them sleep, to do some chores. All I wanted is he can spend more time with them.
I spend 11 hrs a day with them. They're so happy when daddy comes back from work, then daddy has a million a one thing in his mind... I can see how much the kids, especially Thaddeus, were dying to get his attention.
How I wish he can see those eyes too...

Thad is school

There are some changes in him since he started school. Positive ones are he look for support and try to climb stairs on his own; he nods to things he wants; he ate more solids than bfor.
The negative ones were: he's taking a longer time to settle to sleep; he screams when he wants things; he keeps checking that I'm around him; he wakes up from sleep crying and needed to be cuddled by me.

I hope i'm doing the right thing; if any wrong, I will be told or I'll realised before it has any effects on his character building. Dear God, please help me be a mother.

I feel like a terrible mum

today is Thad's 4th day of school and I'm supposed to take him there and leave him there. A short goodbye and a reassurance of me picking him up at the end of the day is required; well, I did just that and he was fine for 10 mins and then he cried for the next 3 hrs.
I stayed in the office "hidden" from Thad, I could hear him cry. I felt terrible, every cell in me wanted to run out to take him back, I couldn't because it will not help him...

I held back my tears, I know he's not going to hurt himself since he dun even wanna play. I chose to leave. I can't bear to hear my 1 and a half yr old boy crying for mummy and not able to do anything.

At the end of the day, i've got a weeping son whom knew I kept my word of going back for him... He then wanna be stuck onto me the whole day.

Now, I dunno how to repeat what I did this morning tmr.

stress adding on

I'm officially off work. Started my maternity leave, will be returning to work on 18th oct. I wanna make full use of this time to spend lots of time with Thad before I'm "bed-ridden" after 7th july, the c-sect.
Though my baby is popping in 11 days' (or less), I'm little worried abt the newborn, I'm more worried abt staying at my folks' and the "big move" that was mentioned a few posts back.
I feel we're giving in a lot to help my family, I also feel that my in-laws are unhappy with me (maybe my family). My stress level are at the limits, I hope it'll never reach off-limits.

Lastly, I wanna share a picture of hus and Thad watching tv, incorrigibly alike! They're my pride.

the long weekend continues...

Regrettably I dint take photos of Friday's dinner at Aunt Adorna's place. It's nice to have supportive extended family.
My family sat down yesterday to discuss the issues that we are facing currently and we proposed our plans to keep everything going as we brave the storms. Well, I'm rarely open with my family issues here but this time I'm going to say a little just so that you can understand what we, as a family, are going through; and what my Hus is doing for us and has done for us so far.
My family is in another financial crisis. It's not new, but this time my folks' flat will be re-possessed if not dealt with soon enough. It's not like this is the first time that the housing loans are not serviced, but HDB has changed a little, they will do what we deserved. According to my mum, HDB used to be "kinder" because it's should be
socially-responsible. I dun blame the change; I'm aware that the people have been abusing the government's generosity.

The problem is up-sized with my parents' souring marriage. Both are blaming each other for landing the family in this state. They are also trying to "buy" us into their stories to blame the other party. In all honesty, I think both of them are the cause of this, how can 1 be apart of another? The blame game has made the situation more stressful for everyone who's listening and involved. Well, I'm naturally the top choice of everyone's listening ears. Cos I'm person who really listens and I just do that. I dun usually say things to rebuke, I listen, digest and then after a day or two feedback in my proper sentences with
politeness. My mind for human processing is slower than most pple and I have something about courtesy that is causing huge delay. Ah hahaha. I hate myself for this sometimes. My
Hus will then be my "listening ear" during this... He's one poor little boy, I chose him to listen because nobody can listen and discern quite as well as him in this situation.

This problem is tacky; everyone is living in red alert. Everyone feels ready to burst whenever somebody steps on their toes. Even Hus & I,
usually super polite and nice to each other, occasionally raised our voices now. You can imagine the stress level at home and the facade we put on during work or school. And who can we confide in when we're in office and haven slept well the whole night having multiple solutions going through our minds for many nights since 3-4 months ago?

Our decided best move now is to rent out my folks' house after much considerations, everyone has some sacrifices to make though it supposed to be a win-win plan.
Sista will not be able to be able in Thailand for a while, she's going to buy a house and house part of the family. Hus & I will house the other half of the family. The bros will have to be self-sufficient from now on. I might have to give up my stay-home-mum plans. I really hope this will work for everyone, I hope everyone will stop seeing themselves in this, their inconvenience, their pride, their space or privacy, etc.

If everyone moves, everything will start falling into place nicely.

I wanna say... "honour your parents" is a tough commandment.

When the highest day meets the lowest...

Finally after a long wait, Sista is back. It's been 3 months since we've returned from Thailand. My colleague asked me if i'm very excited about her return. This thought has been on my mind for a long time too. 2-3 wks before she's back, i started to feel a little scared about this day... her return will mean another good bye...

I dun like goodbyes...

what do you do when you dun have your kid/s with you?

I have been feeling down lately. Dunno if it's because of the girl's hormones or i'm just really upset.

Hus and I went to check up on monday, 29 mar, and had to leave Thad at my mum's since the check up ended late and Thad is already sleeping.

So what did we do? Hus has his way to cheer me up and challenge his little girl intellectually.

We played blokus. It's a fun game.. and good energy consumer for a good sleep. no insomnia or night mare that night.

The hardest was ... Goodbye

The 14 days trip finally came to an end on 23 Jan 2010.

With the photos, i'm sure you're lost how was the itinery of the whole trip. We arrived on the 9th Jan. we're at Liu's from 11th Jan to 14th Jan. We're back at Hui ju from 14th to 23rd Jan.

Huiju (2days) --> Liu's village (3 days) --> Huiju (9 days)

saying goodbye makes one blue. but we'll see them really soon. they'll be back in April.

After 14 days of spending time TOTALLY with Thad. He becomes clingy to me.

He was caught crying secretly by Grandma's camera.

overslept

Today i So miss Thaddeus at work.

I think it's because our day dint start well. We overslept this morning. I dint hear the alarm clock and Thad also sleep thru the usual waking up timing. I woke up at 6.30am and shook Ray up too. Usually we leave our house around 6.30-6.45am, today we managed a super duper fast wash-up and off we were at 6.50am.

Hus & I weren't late for work cos we got Mum to come down to pick Thad up. We dint have a good amount of time for Goodbyes... Thad was very happy this morning, "uh.." alot on the journey to CCK... Then when Mum carried him and wave goodbye to us...

*painful* I so need to hug him...

Mayb's departure

My elder sis has left for Thailand... *sobs* she asked me to update my blog often... *sobs* so i'm back. I guess even if i dun have lots of words, lots of pictures will be sufficient for her.

Believe me... this goodbye is very very difficult. I had been spending all of my time with her since the birth of Thad. I was staying at mum's for confinement. After confinement, i drove to CCK everyday when i'm not working...

that still aint enough.

I had never been so far from her and for so long. kind of hate the feeling... I can't even describe the feeling. it's more than losing a confidante, losing her to distance and availability. I also can't visit her as often as i hope to. Restricted financially, mobility (due to Thad) and availability (work)...

Though the missing is tough, i couldn't be happier for her than to know that she's right in the middle of God's salvation plan.

Btw, my sis has gone to thailand to run a school/hostel that house kids that are either orphans or has malfunctioning families. She's going there to teach and be a guardian to these pple and instill moral values. Above all, to tell of God's love...

God's love...

Pictures taken on her birthday 1 month before she left...

Moved by these little gestures

My pregnancy hasn't been too difficult really, except for 3-4 wks of the 1st trimester. The pregnancy is proceeding well and smooth.

I'm still working; and being in a food industry, my job's demands have increase with the recent melamine scares. Not that my co is dealing with high risk food but bcos the general consumers now have higher expectations in food quality which equates to more work for drey.

It's not made easier with a colleague who's 70% of the time unaware that I'm overworking and a boss who hogs her phone with the unstable stock market situation. Her absent-mindedness has also attributed a lot to my excessive work and sometimes frustrations.

Having said those, I feel warm in the heart as well. Tdy I received a box of essence of chix, given by a colleague tat works in the factory. Not highly paid but generous. The factory men treated me very well since they know tat I'm pregnant. Some of their names, I can't rmb but they're juz as nice. Ain't it really nice to be amongst the humane pple in spite of the self-centred trend in human kind?

many apologies

Hi pple,

I'm so sorry for missing out so much in writting. I hope to catch up soon but school is getting really too busy. The nice thing is ... I'm having a long semester break after this term which is ending end of August.

BIG SIGH!!!

So long...

Hulu's pain

I'm still sore but feeling better by day. Ready to face it!!! But i'm now super scared to be at the wheel... my heart palpitates as though it'll stop anytime when i'm at fountain of wealth and everyday i'm there to pick Hus up.

CRASH!!!

I was traveling along Temasak Boulevard, the Suntec Circle i called it. The correct name is Fountain of Weath... It obviously NOT fountain of wealth to me at that point of time.

I was excitedly on my way to pick Hus up for a romantic valentine's supper at MacDonald's. F***! Hus knocked off at 2130hrs and this happened at 2125hrs. *clenched fist*

My 1st car-car-collision... Well, i wouldn't think i was at fault. Of course, he said i was... Read my statement, written by my BIL(totally neutral in tone and expression, i couldn't write like this even till now which is 2 days after it):

=================================================================

I, Tan Shue Ting Audrey, NRIC S8323418J hereby submit this accident report between commercial vehicle GBA5728Y which I was driving, and Comfort Taxi SH6643M. Taxi SH6643M was driven by Mr Seah Khiang Huat. The accident between vehicle GBA5728Y and taxi SH6643M happened on 14th February 2008 at 21:25hrs at one of the exits of the roundabout around the Fountain of Wealth at Suntec City, towards Temasek Avenue.

I was driving on the extreme left lane in the roundabout, headed for the exit of the roundabout towards Raffles Boulevard. The speed on the left lane (Lane 3) was approximately 20km/h as there are other vehicles exiting/ entering the drop-off point in from of Suntec Tower 3 & 4. Lane 1 and Lane 2 were observed to have lighter traffic and higher speed. As I passed the exit of the roundabout beside Suntec Tower 4, taxi SH6643M driven by Mr Seah Khiang Huat suddenly swerved across my lane from the right in an attempt to overtake me and exit the roundabout towards Temasek Avenue. As his vehicle swerved across the front of my vehicle, I immediately attempted to stop my vehicle, GBA5728Y. As there was no warning or indication of the taxi exiting ahead of me, I could not stop the vehicle in time hence the collision between the two vehicles. The front right corner of GBA5728Y was in contact with the rear left passenger door near to the wheel hub.

On inspecting the extent of damage, it was observed that the front right corner of my vehicle GBA5728Y was damaged. The damage to vehicle GBA5728Y include cracked headlight, dented front grill and punctured bumper. The taxi, SH6643M, had dent and impact marks across the length of the left door (from the front door to the rear wheel hub). We exchanged particulars.

This is all I have to say.

=================================================================

I called Hus the moment i hit the car and the driver came out of his STUPID vehicle. I was scared but i was sure i wasn't in the wrong. Then he started saying i was.

Hus came to my rescue in much perspiration, he dint need me to explain anything despite our vehicles had been moved to the side(left the accident site). From the damages he saw how things had happened and he's not surprised that it happened because he's seen many drivers (esp cabbies) drove that way, turning off from the inside lane.

Theoretically, i'm not wrong. Cos it's a 2 lane turn-in and turn-out so the diagram on the right applies. While I can choose to turn off at the 1st exit or the 2nd, he being in the inside lane cannot turn-off at 1st exit. I must emphasize this he CANNOT!!!

But he's now filing the case on my negligence to see his signal in due time and i dint give-way.

Give way rule no. 3: Always give way to cabbies, cos they lie to get claims for damages to vehicles and loss of income.

But dun forget give-way rule no.2: LADIES FIRST RULE!!!

Give way rule no. 1: Traffic coming from your right takes priority over you(that's before you join the circle, which means, you have to stop at STOP-LINE until it's safe to join the circle) it's not from your right lane when you're already in the circle.

in case i confused you, rule 2 and 3 are hidden rules... If rule 3 exists, rule 2 exists and existing.

ARGH!!!

i'm angry with this totally. Totally mad and confused at that point of time till today. SUCKY!!! and my poor HULU is blemished on his right. All thanks to our infamous sg cabby. *frown and pout*

Please pray for me for my anger to ease so that i might not be so sore and be able to pick myself up from the ditch and smile with my braces-less mouth for pple especially Hus again. And pray that if i'm really not at fault that the claim can go thru sucessfully.

Thanks pple!!!

Goodbye MR SuperFOUR

We sold Mr SuperFour. We bought a Mini Van so we have to sell the bike to keep the expenses manageable.

I dint know why the usual little humane Drey cried herself to sleep the night before Hus send him back to the bike shop. amazed by what soften myself really...

I told Hus i'll miss superfour very much days ago when Hus first discussed with me abt selling, I totally understand why we have to do that. I'm just sad. "He" has served us well, kept us safe and punctual. get us from point A to B at a low price and great convenience.

If not for the incident last month, we might still be riding. But Hus being the responsible and loving Hus, has decided that we should give up riding for the better of our future. No more insecurities, no more riding in the rain, no more baking in the sorching sun and plans for the raylets.

The video on the left is the last time i sat on "him", I missed him till now. BIG SIGH!!!

The video on the right is the reason why bikers get to their destinations really fast... Take a good look, we're on the white lines when the roads is congested, so to bikers, there's like 7 lanes on expressway. 1 then 1.5 then 2 then 2.5 then 3 then 3.5 then 4, shoulder is the express lanes for "less than 3 pax"