some updates

Today is Friday. I just walked my children to school alone, hus went on a company trip to Vietnam. The children are now walking at a reasonable speed, they are growing very fast.
They bade a quick goodbye and went into school without any fuss. I should be happy while I actually feel a little strange. My children stopped crying abt going to school.
My life is abt to take a huge turn, I'm on my way into a new career. A challenge I chose to take on because it fit my requirement of flexible time. As far as we will want a more comfortable life, I couldn't make myself trade any more time with my children. The last 2 months were about passing exams and I completed everything that were needed last Friday. I passed the legendary M9A, it's abt structured products in investment. Do u have any clues what am I about to go into?
It's insurance. I'm about to be a financial planner, adviser, agent. I'm excited 2 hours after I passed my exam last Friday and the excitement died, I felt an emptiness in me. I'm not sure if I am addicted to passing exams or I'm afraid of what is to come. I've been reporting to work to be trained and I get to see a lot of fellow agents. To be frank, I dun like all that I see and I'm fearful of becoming like those that I dun like. Those were the majority, will I stand out amongst the rests or will I become one of them?
It is a lucrative industry. Pple in it wants money and power. Most are in it bcos of the need for either of them or both. The heads tempt u into doing more and better and those who crave for money and power will do well and survive well. I'm not sure abt those who are in it bcos of the flexible timing and to take advantage of buying the prdts for her family. While I will be able to tell u in half a years' time. Stay tune.

Some photos for u... Not that they have much relation to the details above. It's just to let u
have some visual updates.

Anw, if need insurance of any kind, call my number or leave a message.

"Sensored"

I'm excited abt tmr. We're leaving Kayla to my mum and sister while hus and I go for a wedding dinner. If she managed to fall asleep, she will stay over at granny's place tmr; Thaddeus will be with her. She turns 15 months tdy and walking around the house on her own now.
Anyone below 18 years old, please stop here!

Hus and I will be getting some time on our own, I'm looking for some reconnection. I was enlightened on Monday that talking (talk, listen, and be heard) is a woman's need.

To most woman, such level of communication with her partner so important that is comparable to the importance of sex to a man. Plainly, men need sex as much as women need to talk. When I heard this from a male friend, it felt like the heaven opened up and gold coins showered upon me for 10 seconds. Lucky for my friend's wife, he knows woman better than I know myself.

Maybe that's what was missing.

Since staying home, I find myself feeling worse and worse about myself. I have little things to talk to hus abt. I only have 2 bosses, and my world revolves around them. I meet less than 30 people a week and talked to less than 10; all these includes Sundays(church).

When hus is at home, I update him the things abt home, those stuff boring enough that it was done with 1 or both of us talking with our SMART phones in hands; most of the time, the tv is on and the kids are sleeping. Absolutely, no eye contact or whatever.

Seriously, with children who sleep so early, we are losers in time management. With some much going on, what kind of feedback will u expect to get. A nod is best.

Usually, whatever I said seemed unheard and interpreted as unimportant and unconcerned.
So I came up with a new abbreviation for SMART phone- Spoil Marriage And Relationship Technology. Although not the best English, it is the best description. Marriage; relnship of boy-girl, parents-child, etc.

I even thought thru the observations that might back up belief of the woman's needs. Lady readers, it's alright if u need to show this account to your partners. Handsome readers, please apply it to get good fulfillment in your needs. *wink*

Evidence 1: women who dun talk enough to their partners, talk long hours on phones.

Evidence 2: woman marries more alcoholics than workaholics.

Evidence 3: lesbians are getting popular because both parties are fulfilled adequately.

I made up the 3rd one because one of my good friend's ex girlfriend turned lesbian. Strange yet not so... Lastly, I hope
reconnection starts happening for us soon; we also have a kind couple, Enoch and Janna, who offered to throw in more dinner/movie dates soon.

I rarely talk abt my marriage, this is quite juicy right?

a restless pace

September is coming to its last 10 days; excited are we moving into the last quarter of the year.
Restless, a word I describe myself. I'm looking forward to the 2nd appt at HDB, when we will receive our keys to the new house. We were told that it will be done in late 2011 or early 2012, how far is that? Not at all...

Renovating our new nest and furnishing it well with children in mind this time round.
Will it be colourful and chirpy like now; white and clean or grey scale order?

I'll be happy moving in and organise the many things into new storage. Settling the children into new place and training them to sleep on their own will follow. Once everyone is nice and happy, my guess is 4-6 months after moving, what might be the thing that will keep me busy again? I already know... Putting our princess in school and settling her again.

win - win

Done something good and get something in return.
I met Samuel again to finish the 2nd part of the interview. He is doing an assignment, I took advantage of it making him a neutral listening ear that won't tell on me. All win situation. Yeah!
Talking helps me sort out my thoughts. Mostly negative to begin with, but after verbally expressed them I understood what were bothering me better. I was surprised by myself how much was I suppressing and these train of negative thoughts strung together made me unable to pick myself up.
Well, my disposition will have hidden these very well. I know my mask very well. I'm keeping it on to avoid hurting others or relnship.
At the end of tdy session, I felt lighter and heard and appreciated (strange but yes; at some point I felt sorry for being me). Bottling up was mentioned a lot in the session; not a new description, heard that since primary school.
The whole discovery was not magic but spirit led. Not by chance but by God's grace. I love the one that first love me.

hus wanna ride again

Call me morbid. Hus is going to view a motorcycle this afternoon and if he likes it, he'll buy it.
Since he told me abt getting a bike 2 wks ago, I've been imagining myself being a widow. I recognized the convenience a bike is going to bring to the family and I will also appreciate the extra time hus can be with us; I still couldn't help but get worried.
Since he informed me abt the viewing, the images of lone me with 2 young children repeatedly appear in my mind... May God give him special grace, special journey safety.

cheap thrills

We met cousin Jazz for dinner yesterday, it was a nice catching up session. I think the last meeting was late april, the 60s party. She really wanted to see the kids.
Hus managed to leave office early to meet us earlier than plan. While he recounted his early departure, he grinned excitedly which caught jazz's attention. After she found out why hus was so happy, she casually said "cheap thrill". It was a new term for me but I like how well it fit my beloved husband.
My hus is a man of simple pleasures at 32 yo. I'm not sure if he's so before, I only knew him better at age 27. He "preach" abt contentment and he practises it... Maybe that's why I like him. We're similar in this aspect but he's much simpler than me.
We would be happy with more spending power but we're contented with having enough. We save a little when we live by every dollar. We pamper ourselves once in a while in restaurants we used to enjoy before my career switched, we will walked out happy with stomach filled with happy food and well-behaved kids.
Hus is happy to know his kids are fed on schedule, slept at appropriate time, are healthy. He isn't interested in baby olympics (whether his children are doing better than their peers), he is happy when pple praise them.
He might be the source of the happy genes in our kids; our little family of simple pleasures. I adore my simple handsome man.

the love-hate relationship

And suddenly Thad was all good this morning. No battle at uniform changing or wearing shoes. He chose to wear another pair of shoes which we usually put on him when we go out. He asked for his "school bag" (new word), holding hands with papa, he was abt to step out of the house when I asked for a hug and kiss. He walked back, gave me a quick hug and kiss, ran back to the door to papa. *jaw dropped*
hus' msg: I left the school with a big smile and a flying kiss from your son.

Yesterday he was all smiles when I picked him up. But this boy is getting lazy, he asked if I drove. I said no, he's disappointed. But i'm proud of my boy, I'm sure no other less than 2.5 yo child walked this much everyday. Seriously, we're so "lucky", not many singaporean get to climb so much stairs everyday.We dun have lift at every level, we dun have a car, we have to cross the over head bridge whenever we have to get to a bus-stop. Alright, I drifted.
Yesterday wasn't a good day at home after school. Thad asked for many things which I couldn't obliged, he screamed and shouted the way I've never seen him. I know that the part I'll have to handle with him going to school. Everyone learns another's behavior. I love his new words, expressions, new understanding of chinese and always humming a tune. I hate the screaming and shouting. He'll soon know how much mummy dun like it.

trading off a life-style to change lives

I tendered my resignation on the 1st day I return to work, 11th oct 2010. I'm serving my month's notice and leaving the place i've worked 5 yrs for.
A good 5 yrs I would say. I married my boyfriend, got my driver's licence, studied my specialist dip, pregnant twice and have 2 babies.
I'm in my last week of work, I'm starting to miss this place. The familiar chocolate-ty smell every morning, the quiet office and the big lab to start off a day. Blessed am I to have a large space to myself; not confined to an office or a cubicle. It's a place I find solace, a place I wanna be in when I needed "timeout".
I'm so gonna miss lunch breaks and colleagues. I'm also gonna miss being financially independent.
I'm going into a tough, thank-less but sacred job. I'm gonna to bring up 2 fine people for God and my husband.

knowing Kayla

Knowing Kayla slowly
kayla is 4 wks old, we'll be celebrating her 1st month on sat. I'm "discharged" from confinement tomorrow, hooray! Can't wait to shower as and when I like.
Kayla is also a good sleeper, but she has her fussy time from 7pm to 9pm. Sometimes there's a 2nd episode and those are the bad days. She generally prefers to be held to sleep.
She breastfeed well too, she likes to be on the breast. Although I pump and feed at times, she will still like to end off with suckling anyways. She's feeding well so her pee and poo are great, I did supplement her with formula on week 3 bcos then I wasn't sure if her fuss was due to hunger.

kayla is 2 weeks old

Kayla turns 14 days old tdy. It's been 2 wks after the c-sect operation, I'm still learning to pee and poo. I still can't feel the urgency of pee; and by the time I feel the urge to poo, it's too urgent. Both of the businesses are done with pain but decreasing by day.
Being a 2nd time mum makes care taking slightly easier; this time round our guess of reasons for her cries won't go too wrong. Breastfeeding is better managed; we can hold the seemingly fragile frame with more confidence.
But being parents of 2 is not easy. Paying attention to both, meeting their needs, etc...

Thaddeus is accepting the new sister well. He loves small, helpless looking animals so I guess that's how he sees Kayla now.

I'm totally thankful that Thad is receiving this well. I'm full of thanksgiving for my little family.

timing is just right

Thaddeus has fully recovered, lost lots of weight and feeling very hungry all the time now. Hus is doing well in his recovery too.

Thaddeus is now very stuck to my mum, she's his primary comforter now, though a little jealous, it's good for I will need time to recover from delivery soon.

Kayla is 36 wks now, I'm tired. Like an overstretched rubber band, I feel that I desperately need rest. Waking up for work, milk calls, etc is like moving a mountain. I hear myself saying to kayla... "anytime now anytime..."

Well, I know God knows best.

giving C serious considerations

I saw my Gynae yesterday. My little one is doing well, measuring medium size, placenta is good, water is enough...

i'm 28 weeks pregnant now. Thaddeus broke the bag at 37 wks + 5 days, guaging from that... i'm expecting the popping to be around 10 wks' time. Well, i just couldn't wait for the day with the increasing fatigue and weight in my body. On top of all, i couldn't wait for a long break from work.

My labour for Thaddeus' birth dint go quite as planned. 17 hrs after my water broke... i'm not even 4cm dilated. http://dreyslittlethings.blogspot.com/2009_03_01_archive.html Gynae suggested C-section for the 3rd time and was quite pushy since Thad was showing signs of distress. Thaddeus was found to be caught around his neck and we only came to know... Thad had already poo-ed (due to the long wait) that's why the baby had gone into distress.

Since I'm in my 3rd trimester now, i'm seriously considering my options. I asked my Gynae lots of questions the last 2 check-ups. 1 of which is, if Thad wasn't caught around neck, will the labour have progress as usual? or is my cervix the "stubborn"type?

and how long will I not be able to carry Thad? Although, that is not a big problem as far as now is concern cos he's not so sticky to me. My mum has become the 1st choice and Janna is usually better preferred because she's very fun, Thad adores her. I'm just scared that things might change in 10 wks' time. The emotional threats (sobbing) is too much for mummy.

But if I plan to try natural birth again... I'm afraid of going thru the emergency C-sect again when everything has to be put onto high speed. i had to sign lots of documents after a nurse rattled thru the details. then i had to shift beds and bade Hus the shortest goodbye then be wheeled at high speed into the operating theatre. Then everything happened in 2 mins, cutting thru the 3 layers before reaching the baby and tugging and pushing... then baby cries, then everything after the baby is out slows down.

It's not that it'll be less painful or i'll recover faster if i were to choose elective C-sect this time. But the emotional trauma can be avoided if i'm prepared... Is the price to pay worth it to be prepared?

When the highest day meets the lowest...

Finally after a long wait, Sista is back. It's been 3 months since we've returned from Thailand. My colleague asked me if i'm very excited about her return. This thought has been on my mind for a long time too. 2-3 wks before she's back, i started to feel a little scared about this day... her return will mean another good bye...

I dun like goodbyes...

Hus at Reservist

This is the 2nd week that Hus is doing his reservist. Thad and I are staying at mum's.

I'm not very sensitive to Thad's cry for the past 2 nights so my mum did the night duties. I feel kind of bad though i get very good rest in exchange. I slept very early because there isn't a need to be travelling back home and I'm not intrigued to watch the shows that the rests are watching. I'm just not a TV person very much.

I go back to mum's straight after work everyday, then i will play with Thad until i need to take dinner together with Janna when she's back. Then i'll play with Thad again till it's time for him to sleep between 8 - 9pm.

Then i'll shower and sleep too. So i wake up naturally at around 6am and start getting ready for work. Then Thad will continue sleeping without waking up to bid me goodbye. It makes me missing him the whole day.

This morning, I bade him goodbye with a kiss and as i was walking out of the room, i saw a photo of Fat Thad at 3 months old. I suddenly miss him alot. I realised how fast time flies and there's nothing you can do to go back. I was so convinced that staying home mum is so for me.

Time only go ONE WAY -->

a heartwarming scene

Sunday, Ray and I rushed to church with a sleepy Thad as usual. We want to bring him to sunday school. Something not so usual was Terence's voice while we were walking up the stairs.

Terence was with Timothy at sunday school, he did what he does best. He sang in "tenor". Peter was teaching that day. It was very heartwarming as the group used to be next door in the Youth Fellowship room, now we've grown older and into the next stage of life.

Totally love the feeling of having almost everyone familiar in church again.

are they looking more and more alike?

Thad behaves alot like Hus. Now Thad sleeps with a grouchy look, though occassionally he smiles in his dreams. But the frequency of these smiles has slowly decrease since his birth. But his laughs have increase in his waking moments...

he's growing up so much every minute... He's so aware of things around him now. He knows how to get pple's attention and he'll raise his hand to shake pple's hands when we're at the lift lobby. My baby is growing up...

Thaddeus got stung by Bee.

Account by my mum:

Thad was sleeping when it happened. It was around 10am, Thad was alone in my mum's room. Mum was having breakfast in the kitchen. Thad started crying softly and mum thought it's time for milk. While she tried to feed him milk, she realised Thad wasn't behaving like usual. She then saw 2 bee, 1 severed into 3 parts; likely cut up by the fan. Then the other lying on the floor motionless... sting is missing!

Sensing something is wrong, she put on her presbyobic spectacles and started looking through Thaddeus' body... *tada* she found a sting in his ring finger of his left hand.

She pulled out the sting then called me to ask if she needs to bring him to the Doctor.

Well, although I read somewhere during pregnancy that if your child is stung by a bee once, You dun have to bring him to the Doc. If twice, then you bring... I think I rather not take the chance... Off mum & Thad went to the Doc. Cut the queue and saw the doc. He's doing okay.

I saw him in abt 5 hrs later, his finger was still red and swollen.. BUT he's smiling and playing away... Brave Thad... he has been brave with all needles and poking...

it shall be named knockia

We crashed our car again. It was saturday when it happened. Ray was driving. We were rushing to a free movie with Janna, Magdalene and Connie on board.

We were on BKE exiting to PIE (changi). It was raining and a chain of vehicles in front of us suddenly jammed brake. We did the same but the load and the slippery floor made it impossible to bring the vehicle to a stop.

We bumped into the car in front of us... So that's what happened to our car...

Our license no. is 8250, like the Nokia phone series which I used to hold. So it shall be Knockia...

Thaddeus is 4 months now

Time flies...

It's been 4 months since I was pregnant. Thad is 4 months old now. He has his hair shaven to make the chinese brush.

Recollecting...

My 1st month a.k.a confinement was very tiring, the 2 hourly feed was quite a shock for me. I was really really tired. I tried to breast feed totally but Thad seems to be allergic to my perspiration ( i do take shower daily) so my mum advised me not to direct feed but to pump. Thad's skin really got better but my milk decrease slowly that i dint notice.

I was a little lazy to pump since i couldn't direct feed... MISTAKE... Dun ever do that. Either you pump or you direct feed no matter how his face looks. He's not bleeding or scratchy... just red.

Then dun think that i should not perspire... Oh please... that's only normal, your body is losing water so that the blood and water concentration in the body drops to normal since your body no longer need so much water to manage the foetus.

2nd month, i moved home. Then i had no time to eat cos i tried to do many things when Thad is sleeping. Thad was then sleeping short naps and woke up easily during the initial move back home. Then breastmilk continue to deplete...

what i've learnt, Thad could be left alone after 2-3 wks for a long time to sleep alone. Housework can wait, breastmilk supply dun usually comes back after it drops. If i were to do this again... I will just keep direct feeding and i will not move home alone. I'll get help for at least 2 months of the newborn.

His 3rd month was pretty smooth, visited Doc a few times. for immunisation, flu and bronchitis... Thad is one that doesn't fuss much so I did really enjoyed him. He behaves usual even when he's ill, he just sleeps alot more. He has many smiles when he had enough rests, he now reacts to pple. he smiles when you smile or tickle. Totally charming...

He has his dad's eyes, he's actually as hairy as Hus. He has pointed nose like both of us, he has many smiles like mummy, but Hus is smiling so much more with Thad around..

.

We just passed Fathers' day. Thad and I made a card for papa. I printed Thad's handprint on the card where i wrote a list of gratitudes.

just a little update

My school is finishing on Friday 13 Feb 2009, i really can't wait even though it's only 2 days...

I'm officially 36 wks pregnant tmr, I've some photos to upload but not tdy. I'm using Hus' comp and photos are not here. Although i'm quite heavily pregnant, i'm feeling okay. Of course sometimes i feel yucky especially on the nights of bad sleep and having to wake up for work. Generally, i'm still feeling good.

Many asked me if i'm excited to see my baby... hmm... YES & NO. Yes, so that i see his face and can cuddle cuddle cuddle. No, cos i'm not sure if I can make it as a mum. Sometimes i'm impatient and want this pregnancy to be over soon, sometimes, i'm scared of being unprepared for the next stage.

Well, hus!!! he's impatient by this week. Him, being man, i think he's more consistent lah, dun think he's like me swinging b/w the different extremes. He wants to see HIS BABY! he's talking to him more than ever, baby reacts to his voice very well also. Kind of heartwarming at that sight, BUT!!! i dun think Hus has been looking at me for the longest time. his eyes were always on my tummy. DUH!!!

Our baby is estimated to be 2.5kg by the last doc's visit on the 2nd Feb.