disappointed

I woke up disappointed today, i dint sleep well. So did my mum. We were waiting for Jarek to get home. We woke up at 1 am and kept tossing until he's back at 4am. I dunno what reason will he give this time. It's usually staying up at friend's to "study" or friend's birthday party and of course this time he can't use "my teacher kept me back in school".

i wish i can talk to him, tell him every word that's going thru my mind but i'm afraid that i might put him down too much.

Work yesterday also dint go well. Nothing very bad happened, it's just an email (from boss' boss) that denied my boss from getting another staff to ease my dept of the extra work this year. Boss' boss thinks that we're not managing our time well.

"anything is the name of keeping expenses low" went thru my mind. My feet are swollen and tired at the end of every work day. Coming to work early and ending late seems not a sign clear enough. The push factors are getting stronger and stronger by day when my pregnancy gets heavier and heavier. The pull factors are also working hand-in-hand with the push.

Sometimes i feel that i can't discipline Thad quite as well as i want to. I'm being trapped by working mum's guilt & lack in understanding of my child. Sometimes it's because Thad is very clingy to me as though i'll disappear whenever i walk out of his sight.